only lonely

I’ve spent the last two years feeling disconnected. In the face of my grief, my friends have abandoned me, no longer knowing what to say. My family has shown uncomfortable indifference. I’m tilting at windmills, foolhardy in my compulsion to keep trying for a precious rainbow baby. I know it’s hard for them to witness my desperation, but all I want is just one friend and confidant…

Loneliness plagues me. I spend days in solitude, praying for a meaningful connection, whether it be online or IRL. I think if I met up with someone that could show empathy, I’d bawl my eyes out like a baby. To make the briefest eye contact with someone else who had experienced a termination for medical reasons — I’d completely lose my shit.

If I had a healthy baby would the world take me back? What if I don’t?


5 thoughts on “only lonely

  1. Don’t feel alone my dear. We are all going thru something that we wish we don’t have too. I know things can get hard sometimes but we need to look at the positive side. I don’t know you personally but you can always reach out to me and talk about things. Sometimes family don’t really see or feel what you are going thru just to have a baby or whatever the situation may because they didn’t have to go thru that. Take care my friend and hold your head high 😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. TFMR is a lonely place. It’s an aggravation on top of the incredible heartache. Try to reach out to those around you. I once met someone who has a TFMR also in the second trimester. We didn’t have a big conversation but the moment she told me she had “too” we both cried and hugged and we’ve never seen each other again. We don’t know each other, and I’m very lucky to have ended with my girls in the end of long years of heartache. However, while it certainly fulfills you, it won’t make the sadness of that lost child go away. If anything, it makes me think very often of the what ifs… hope you find what you’re looking for xx


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