end game of a chronic loser

It’s CD 1, I lay on my bed wracked with cramps and nerves. After over two years diligently timing intercourse, we’re dipping big toes into fertility treatments. I’ll take Femara for five days starting Friday (CD 3).

Colors swirl in the spaces in my head. Random thoughts flit through my mind, racing, speedy, faster and faster. Perhaps it’s foolish to introduce another chemical into this soul-sick body whilst coming off a bad reaction to gabapentin. My psychiatrist had me cold turkey last night; it made me angry-cry and feel very weak and agitated when I was on it. I swore that as a severely mentally ill woman I wouldn’t risk my health for fertility treatments, and now I proceed against the advice of my psychiatrist (although not against her orders).

It’s my decision and it’s as far as I’ll go. Let’s see what happens. 


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