I saw the dentist this morning for a cleaning, and it was brutal. Scraping, poking, some weird little tool that made an awful high pitched noise and hurt like hell. I didn’t know what to say to them — I was 7 weeks pregnant when I made this appointment so no, I am not still pregnant from then but I am pregnant again but probably miscarrying but I still want to take precautions? Can we do that? They looked at me, wanting to be sensitive but not knowing what the fuck I was talking about. Well, um, congratulations? ventured the hygienist. No!! I snapped at her. They all stared at me. Oh, the awkwardness of RPL! What are your plans for the summer? the dentist asked perkily.
The Baby Factory wouldn’t give Geoff the beta number from Friday until the doctor looks it over. It is, as recounted by Geoff, “an acceptable rise”. WTF? Acceptable isn’t good enough. I was worrying my ass off while getting my teeth scraped into submission. I did at one point have to get up to pee and Geoff gave me a thumbs up from the lobby. I assumed that was a good sign but, oh, Geoff cannot be relied upon to interpret what they’re saying! I’m hoping they didn’t actually use the term “acceptable”.
You’re on vaginal restriction, he informed me proudly as we exited the dentist’s office.
Oh, you mean like pelvic rest? I asked him. He shrugged. Apparently, the bleeding may be from the 7 day Monistat I finished at some point that I can no longer remember. In the past couple days. I was also on baby aspirin, which can cause bleeding, and we’ve been sexually active. I guess all hope’s not lost, am I indulging in fantasy? I guess I just can’t use my vagina and I have to wait for them to call.
I guess I should add, my teeth are fine. At some point I need a filling. But no worries on that front.
I’ll update here when I find out what’s next.
I am staring at my phone, determined to stay awake although I am so so sleepy. I’ve allowed myself a Diet Coke to help keep my eyes open. I figure it’s good that I’m still sleepy, and bleeding has slowed to barely nothing. I’m still on edge, on a razor thin edge, and waiting to hear from The Baby Factory.
The Diet Coke is cold and tastes so good right now — the past week, I’ve been dying of thirst. I’m relieved that the dental appointment went smoothly. It really is a weird little dentist’s office, with a playground for squirrels assembled in the wooded area behind it, so that while they are torturing you, you can watch the fattest squirrels ever frolic and go up and down ramps to swinging trays of nuts and seeds. It’s essential that you use a sonic toothbrush, the dentist had informed me as I departed, handing me a free manual toothbrush. My gums still hurt like hell, probably not from the instruments they torment you with but rather the overly dramatic flossing they performed at the end. That shit hurt like hell. My gums feel extra sensitive, which I also assume is good. They did warn me that sometimes pregnant women develop sores on their gums that sometimes have to be removed after the pregnancy resolves. Fantastic.
I’ve been clinging to a shred of hope since Geoff’s thumbs up from the waiting room. I long for my anxiety meds but I feel kind of okay?
It’s 2.12pm and they usually call around 2.30. I don’t actually bite my nails, but I could chew my arm off at this precise moment. If Friday’s beta is a number I can live with, I’ll be happy. Acceptable? Wtf acceptable?
Yesterday, I mentioned I was reading Madeleine L’Engle. It’s the third book in what I thought was a trilogy. A friend informed me it was a quartet, but when I looked at the Kindle store it said it was a quintet. The fifth book is titled An Acceptable Time. I remarked that it seemed boring. Because I’m fucking bipolar, I want extremes! Fuck acceptable. I want dizzying highs and soul-crushing lows, both in literature and life. Acceptable, in terms of RPL, sounds like I’ll be stuck in limbo for a bit .
My little cat pads out from the bedroom and hops into my lap. Always here for me, I’m never alone here. I wish Geoff was with me. The clock is ticking.
See, my fear is the old doubling-in-48-72-hours thing. In my experience, betas that don’t double in 48 hours lead to pregnancies that don’t progress. But everywhere are claims that it’s okay if they double in up to 72. I just haven’t observed that to hold true.
Acceptable, to me, will be >3422. If they’re using different parameters, I will not be happy.
Also, these numbers are higher than other numbers I’ve received. I know that at some point, doubling slows but I don’t know if that applies to me. I don’t trust the Interwebs to tell me like it is as it’s full of unicorns. Anyone?
I feel about to break. Why won’t they call?
Friday’s beta was more than 3600. They won’t tell me the precise number. Whatever, I consider that acceptable. Progesterone “just fine”. No number given. Wtf but, hoo boy.
Repeat draw tomorrow. We are still in the game.